Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Reality Check... Clogs, Parkas and Harem pants
Fashion wouldn't be fashion without the sometimes ridiculous. However when what appears to be a distasteful joke makes its way from the runway to the masses, things have gone too far. It is time to pull our noses from the glossy pages of magazines, wake up from the camera flash induced slumber and look around. In short, a reality check is often in order.
Cue my three pet hates of current trends. Number one, clogs. I may adore Marc Jacobs, and it may be considered sacrilegious to say this, but the Louis Vuitton bearded clogs pictured above are one ugly pair of shoes. Said shoes marched down the runway in the spring / summer 2010 show, and after clogs made a clomping appearance at Chanel, they have bulldozered their way onto the high-street too.
I am not saying I am completely averse to a pair of clogs; Alexa Chung managed to look quite the chic young fashionista in her Chanel pair. However Alexa Chung is also Alexa Chung and would look fabulous in a (yes I'm going to say the cliché) sack. Therefore taking my style tips from her wardrobe is a risky business with potentially catastrophic results.
Clogs are one of these potential catastrophes. Firstly my ankles are not Alexa Chungesque, and my legs more 'sturdy' than 'svelt'. Much more useful for walking and running, however not well suited to a clog. No spilt tears however, as these are after all, wooden shoes of abnormally large proportions.
Finally, health and safety should also be considered when choosing an outfit. Have you ever tried walking in a pair of clogs? Or running up a flight of stairs? Any pair of shoes that come with a health warning of potential broken nose / spine aren't really the shoes for me.
Pet hate number 2, the parka. A wet-weather favourite of both 90s teenagers and Liam Gallagher, the parka has now made its come back. However with style icons such as these I must admit I am not running to Topshop to pick up my own version. Apparently the grunge style of a parka is a great way to add a 'hard edge' to a floral tea dress or floaty skirt. However the word 'grunge' is enough to make me cringe and reach desperately for something pretty. The word itself just isn't very attractive, and neither is a parka. Of course, parkas have been featured in Vogue shoots for months, however as per the Alexa Chung theory I choose not to make a judgement on an item of clothing based on how it looks on a 16 year old supermodel.
I'm sorry, but when I see a khaki parka I simply imagine arms laden with plastic shopping bags, and bad trainers splashing through muddy English puddles.
Finally, and in my opinion the worst of all sins - the harem pants. I say the worst of sins, as these are the offenders that have managed to make the biggest impact on the high street, tarnishing many a store with their unsightly presence. In fact so extreme is the epidemic that it seems jeans or harem pants are in fact the only 2 styles of trousers in existence.
Why, oh why, would I choose and pay money for a pair of trousers that make my bum look BIGGER and my legs SHORTER? I'm afraid there are no answers to this question. All explanations escape me. Worst of all; the tracksuit bottom harem pants. My two least favourite trousers merged into one ugly garment. Tracksuit bottoms should in my opinion be reserved strictly for sporting activities. And sitting watching the entire SATC boxset is NOT a sporting activity.
Take my advice and simply avoid the harem pants. The nappy look is not a good look. Perhaps it means I'm not bang on trend, but to be honest I don't mind. I think I'll sit this one out if that's ok.